I realised an hour or so ago that I am beginning to feel like me again – and it’s great!
I knew that I had been struggling to fend off the worst of the depression and anxiety that are always with me, but I had not realised quite how low my mood had become. That is one of the difficulties with depression: it is so hard to recognise when one’s condition is worsening. However, having said all that, I managed to take pretty good care of myself and I feel quite pleased about it! I think this is the first time that I have managed the depression and anxiety so successfully. I took a step back from most of the activities that I am usually a part of; I resisted taking on lots of tasks, to avoid putting myself under unnecessary pressure; and I set myself some goals – which I more or less achieved.
Two of the goals I set myself related to help that I had committed to giving to others. I decided that I did not want to let those people down so I scheduled time to actually carry out those tasks. With the first task I was defeated by circumstances. I had to travel to Kent at fairly short notice, to look after my mother so ran out of time to complete it. However, I managed to complete the second task and was really rather pleased with the result. Doing both of those things gave me a much-needed boost.
After Christmas I still needed time to rebuild my mental and physical energy so continued to take things easy. Then I developed a chest infection. All of this has meant that I have felt almost continuously enervated for weeks.
But, now, all that has changed. I’m beginning to get back to my normal. I am SO pleased. It has been a vicious cycle: depression, lack of energy, loss of enthusiasm and so on.
If you have not suffered the effects of depression, either as the depressed person or as a carer of someone with depression, then this post quite possibly doesn’t really mean much to you. BUT, if you have suffered, you will probably have some idea of how wonderful it is to feel your “normal” .